Go where the love is. Because faking it will drain you.
how to build relationships based on discernment and emotional intimacy
My loves! Let’s talk about resonant relationships.
Here’s what I would love for you to know: It’s deeply natural to deeply desire deep connection. In fact, we are deeply, physiologically wired for it.
Do you remember spinning when you were a kid? That dizzy throbbing in your head felt gooood. Spinning gets the hemispheres of the brain pulsing more rhythmically. It’s a deep relief.
Muslim Sufis spin as an exercise of devotion. They’re transcending the body to tap the numinous space of “no friction.”
Wouldn’t it be amazing to have no friction in our relationships?! Fawwwk yes! Can we even conceive of it? No friction with parents?! No friction with our romantic peoples?!
Not possible. 😂 We learn through friction, creative tension. But WAY LESS friction is so doable.
DISHARMONY teaches us how to create harmony.
You know when you’re not vibing with someone and you fumble words and forget your head? Research proves that when we don’t have a heart resonance with someone, it affects our cognition. Jumbled electricity equals jumbled brains. My theory: we're spending energy scanning for emotional resonance, so we have less brain energy at our disposal.
So, what’s the wise move? Spin! Kidding. Though, totally SPIN. It works. I’ll be spinning records. We meditate. Ground. Ocean swim. Go for a walk and intentionally think about courage and love—a contemplation walk. All those practices increase your harmony capacity.
But this one: Go where the love is.
It’s not selfish or weak to go where you’re loved and most loving. Common ground. Common perspective… a mutual sense of appreciation is amazing for your nervous system.
Resonant relationships are NOT about fawning. People-pleasing is a stress reaction that isn’t good for any adult.
Resonant relationships aren’t transactional. We don’t give to get. We give because Love loves to love!
Resonant relationships can’t be faked. We all know (or have been) people who’ve done faux connection for years in marriages and at jobs they loathe. The energy blockages are sad and monumental. The cost of faking connection is your life force.
You’ll know when there’s resonance because you feel freer to be all volumes of yourself. I know there’s a heart connection when I start getting ideas for the other person, or creative ideas for myself. That’s why I’m great with entrepreneurs. (Side note: I strategy coach one-on-one.)
LEADERS WILL INTENTIONALLY CREATE RESONANCE
And we’re all leaders. The guiding question to create resonance is: What would love do?
Would love call a lawyer? Actually, maybe.
Would love ghost someone? Maybe, maybe not.
Would love give them a second chance? Depends.
You’re the leader and you get to make the call.
Go where the love is,
Speaking of more awesome relationships…
If therapy were enough, my girlfriends wouldn’t STILL be praying for breakthroughs after another blow up, or swiping right on disappointment.
Or… shaming themselves for being stuck in their own patterns.
My take: We’ve been trying to solve NERVOUS SYSTEM ISSUES with RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT tools.
We just launched REGULATE TO RELATE: Heal your nervous system to heal your relationships.
This is a relationship enrichment masterclass… that isn’t about relationship tactics.
It’s not about dialogue methodologies or family of origin excavating. And it’s not a phat spiritual bypass on karma and having more patience.
This is a masterclass in nervous system balancing—with both spiritual and physiological approaches—to shift all of our relationships into a better state.
The world needs this. But let’s start with you, me and a few of us! CLICK HERE FOR THE MASTERCLASS that helps with emotional intimacy AND dissolving anxiety.
WHAT’S WORKING
This is a bit niche, but if you’re a Paolo Nutini fan, this concert is going to make you all kinds of lusty. There’s an awful, terrible rumour going around that he’s retiring from musi, but I’m going to deny that any power (BTW, next Friday I’m talking about the "appropriate use of denial.”)
This new album from Bon Iver is most definitely working.
WHAT’S NOT WORKING
What’s really not working is outsourcing our intuition to AI.
The algorithm is tracking your behaviour and feeding your hungry ghost. It’s reflecting back your own perspectives and longings. It’s telling you what you want to hear. And it wants you to tell the others to come back for more.
If you want to raise your consciousness, then turning to a crowd-sourced, instantaneously informative, incredibly charming, disembodied technology for spiritual direction is probably not the route to your Inner Light.
Go where the love is.
I love the poetry of Danielle’s musings! What a wonderful way to start my day. Thank you thank you!
Go where the love is? Yes. And if the love’s at the bottom of a pint of mint chip gelato, then start there and spiral upward, darling.
This read like sacred choreography—spin, stumble, love, repeat. So many of us were raised to believe that friction was proof of passion, and exhaustion was a sign of devotion. Thank you for calling out that faking resonance is a slow spiritual death with polite smiles and cortisol spikes.
You don’t owe your nervous system to anyone’s approval. Go where you can be weird, wise, wounded, and welcome.